I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
