I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
