i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
