You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize