im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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