sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
