My girlfriend figured out who you are.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
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