Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How external is "for external use only"?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
