Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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