Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
