I faked an abortion last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
