Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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