Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
