i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
