He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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