How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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