the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
