What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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