So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
