whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
