You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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