Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
