I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
