I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
People in love make me want to vomit
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
