white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
