I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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