So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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