YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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