Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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