my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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