The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
