my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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