Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
