after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
