i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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