me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
