we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
