I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
