so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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