Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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