Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
