I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
