Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
