I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
