i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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