I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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