he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
