everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
