please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
