I wish I could punch you in the face.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's never too late to be topless.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
