you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
