i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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