a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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