i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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