haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
