so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
