today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
