Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
