I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
