i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So squirting runs in the family.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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