im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
