So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
