Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
