You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Randomize
