Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
