the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I love you. Go after that dick
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