She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
