hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
