I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
