ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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