it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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