So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
false alarm. still invincible.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
